CUFC Fans - Are you happy with the decision to DOUBLE RELEGATE your club?

An official from the Football Association has confirmed that in the event that Colchester United are finally relegated this season, a DOUBLE RELEGATION penalty will be applied due to their ‘persistent lack of effort over the last few seasons to do anything other than hover perilously close to the relegation zone in League 1.’

The sanction will mean that The U’s would begin the 2016/17 season in the Vanarama National League, bypassing League 2, and the full FA statement outlines their reasons for applying this unusual and unprecedented penalty. It says: ‘For too long now, and even with a sparkly new stadium in place, Colchester United have just existed to almost get relegated and nothing more. This is a complete waste of everybody’s time, and in our opinion both their own fans and every other clubs’ supporters are getting a raw deal.’

The statement continues: ‘To discourage this blatant time wasting from other teams in the future, we are more than prepared to invoke FA Rule 345.2.5b – Teams who are deemed to be merely existing to fight in relegation battles season after season can be double-relegated, with further relegations applied for sub-standard pitch conditions and deciding to build a new ground in the middle of bloody nowhere.’

All in all, this adds an extra bit of spice to the upcoming Essex derby on 6th February. A spokesperson for Southend United added: ‘We support the FA in their decision, and as a club we have had the decency to actually get relegated and re-promoted on a number of occasions – we believe in giving our own supporters something to keep them awake at matches in return for their continued financial investment in the club.’

This could make Essex football very exciting in the near future, especially as the proposed takeover of SUFC by Qatari billionaire Sheikh Oonvakh is almost complete.