A source within the government’s Coronavirus planning department has confirmed that the UK is only two stages away from ‘Negan.’

In this scenario, the majority of the country’s population would be entirely subservient to a man who basically has a large spiky stick that nobody seems to be able to overpower for some reason, even with a shitload of guns and a scientist with a giant mullet that is the mystical source of all his knowledge.’

He said, ‘Once the virus spreads at a rate that we can’t control, central government will break down, and this is when we anticipate that Negan will emerge.’

‘He might sound like a harmless country and western singer whose preferred tune topic is a little bandana-wearing dog called Sparky, but he’s a deranged motherfucker.’

‘Can’t be any worse than Dominic Cummings anyway.’

‘Given half a chance, he’d get the Cabinet Office sitting on the floor and play Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Mo before bludgeoning one of them to death.’