A Dad from Southend has realised that trying to speak to his kids using phonics that they have learnt at school makes him sound like he has taken a boat load of ketamine. 

Adrian Curli-Kerr, 33, made the discovery on Saturday after it took more than two minutes to spell out, ‘The cat had a red hat.’

He said, ‘What the hell happened to just reciting the alphabet and spelling shit out?’

’Most people over the age of 30 in this country have managed to grow up and read things perfectly well by watching videos of that pencil writing letters.’

’All the way round and up and down and kick’ sounds a lot better than this lefty-liberal PC phonics claptrap the teachers are using now.’

’Typical EU nonsense.’

A spokesperson for the National Teachers Federation said, ‘Phonics allow children to gain the best possible understanding of every single letter of the a-z sequence.’

’Just put all the sounds together and you get the word. D, oh and g? Dogger. Simple.’