It has been reported that scores of KFC addicts have been spotted roaming the countryside and taking bites out of live chickens as the nationwide KFC chicken shortage enters it’s third day.
There were also shocking scenes in Southend On Sea where ‘shivering’ locals were observed trying to ‘lick pigeons’ in a desperate bid for a poultry fix.
Police were called in Pitsea when a man was seen breaking into a branch with his prized pet Chickaletta and confronting the store’s manager to demand that she turn her into a Zinger Tower.
Angry customer Michelle Garridge said, ‘This is a crisis of unimaginable proportions.’
’I always knew that KFC stood for ‘Kan’t Find a Chicken,’ but now it seems that the company is incapable of just driving to a farm somewhere and asking for a load of them.’
’Perhaps if they were willing to pay more than 20p a kilo this could have all been avoided.’
Meanwhile, in Basildon it has been rumoured that franchise owners are so worried about lost revenue that they have begun to investigate other sources of meat that begin with ‘C’ to avoid the need to re-register their trademark.
One store operator said, ‘Pets At Home refused to sell me a chinchilla for testing earlier, and the cockatoo was too bloody fiddly.’
’Does anyone know if cormorants are a protected species?’
Intravenous packets of KFC gravy are currently available from emergency rehabilitation centres around the country.
One Red Cross worker in Essex said, ‘The first 24 hours are usually the toughest. Someone just offered to ‘rim me’ for a Boneless Banquet, so I referred them to one of my Oxfam colleagues.’