A 37-year-old woman from Southend On Sea has been telling Southend News Network about a recent one-month course of Skinny Hater Hater diet pills. According to recently spiritually-enlightened Marie Pyramide, the groundbreaking product has led to her losing £89.99 and 80% of her Facebook friends – she is now looking to expand her business empire and build the biggest Skinny Hater Hater franchise in Essex. 

She said: ‘I had heard a few horror stories about users shitting out their livers through an intestine or two, but I just thought that they were haters, and haters are always gonna hate.’

‘One month into the course, I stepped on the scales and saw that I had lost £89.99 and four fifths of my Facebook friends list. However, my liver was nestled perfectly amongst my other organs – who’s laughing now?’

‘I have never found such an effective way of losing £89.99 so quickly, and the tablets leave a very satisfying hint of potassium in my mouth after swallowing. It’s time for me to go full ‘bossbabe’ and build a better life for my husband and are kids.’

‘For £500, you can buy a ready-made Skinny Hater Hater franchise salary extraction kit. All you need to add is some sort of wireless Internet connection and some aspirations – cabled or Ethernet connections simply won’t work, or 4G data plans for that matter.’

Shortly after this interview, Marie wandered off to walk in the sand and look into the sea with her hands above her head. The beautiful moment was photographed to be immortalised for ever more as a meme. 

We asked Marie’s Area District Regional Vice President President Co-Ordinator if losing 80% of your Facebook friends could hinder sales efforts on social media. 

She had us all killed.