A spokesperson for Disney has confirmed that A MUPPETS TITANIC will be released in 2019 after the entertainment company completed their $52bn takeover of 20th Century Fox.
According to sources within Hollywood, the deal was only agreed at the last minute after Amblin Entertainment pulled out of a similar deal that would have seen the furry icons recreate Saving Private Ryan and Schindler’s List.
Their spokesperson said: ‘This will be Titanic but like you’ve never seen it before.’
‘Unfortunately we haven’t been able to get Céline Dion on board this time, but in its place the Muppets ensemble will be recording Sinky Sinky Ship Ship with a very touching flute solo from Rizzo the Rat.’
‘Naturally there will need to be couple of minor adjustments to the story so that the movie is suitable for a universal family audience, but we would like to assure the cinema-going public that the integrity of the picture will remain intact.’
A journalist asked for more details about this, and he replied: ‘Nothing too major I can assure you.’
‘When the whole ship does break in half and starts to fall into the ocean, instead of countless people perishing in a traumatic manner a giant CGI recreation of Tim Curry as Neptune God Of All The Seas will appear and pull everyone into The Millennium Falcon while the camera pans out to Stadtler and Waldorf in their own lifeboat saying something generally unfunny and nasty.’
Hollywood insiders have already said that the $600m project will be ‘testing the water’ before a slated 2021 release for Donald Duck Die Hard.
The project is already in production, with audio technicians already at the stage of using vocoders to create an authentic quacked version of Yippee Ki’ay Motherfucker.
Disney’s share price increased by 45% after the announcement, in spite of the shocking scenes at Disneyland Paris over the weekend when a 34-year-old male from Luton walked out of the ‘It’s A Small World’ ride and declared himself a member of Britain First.