A DJ (actually just some uncle) at a birthday party for his 10-year-old niece has admitted that his setup includes around 200 buttons that aren’t actually connected to anything, including a number of dials that go round and round without having any sort of effect upon the audio that is being outputted to the rest of the church hall.

We managed to catch up with Dave Siyuenti while he was hard at work creating a party atmosphere for Chloe, eleven of her school friends and an assortment of over 60’s who will probably just go home at half seven before things get too loud.

He said, ‘These headphones allow me to create a precise changeover between two tracks that matches the beats of the tracks. I will now demonstrate how to transition professionally between Despacito and The Birdie Song.’

Dave then paused for twenty minutes to adjust the 80 sliders on his equaliser board to ensure that the acoustics within the 20m x 10m space were ‘absolutely optimal.’

He added, ‘All of this has taken years of training around my day job in insurance admin.’