The President of the United States Donald Trump has been heavily criticised after he announced on Twitter that he is considering a plan to arm all school teachers in the USA with a pair of Kinder Eggs.

According to Trump’s White House aides, it will be the ‘only effective solution’ to fight off an attacker who bursts into a school and starts threatening children with the Ferrero-manufactured chocolate treat and small toy in a plastic pod.

His tweet read, ‘Enough is enough! It’s time to give our educaters the power to protect themselves and their children. Only way to fight Kinder Eggs is with Kinder Eggs. Very true!’

There have been growing calls in the States recently for more to be done about the threat of Kinder Eggs after thirteen elementary school children were mildly disappointed by generic non-branded miniature plastic teddy bears and ‘flaccid catapults’ in Badongadongadooly, Ohio.

A five-year-old body from Chattanougat, Mississippinapolis also caught the end of his nose in the plastic pod in January and it hurt for a few seconds.

An official from the NRA told Southend News Network that Kinder Eggs are the biggest danger facing American society today.

Talking while strumming a banjo barefoot with a maximum of three teeth, Geoffrey Heehaa said, ‘My youngest son has developed a repetitive strain injury from constantly unrolling that little piece of paper that shows you what other unimaginable horrors await inside your next Kinder Egg.’

After using a Kalashnikov to get a packet of cookies down from the top shelf of his office wall, he added, ‘The sooner that we eradicate this evil from the entire flat planet upon which we live, the better as far as I am concerned.’

‘Kinder Joy as well. Someone could break a goddang nail on that plastic pull-back wrapping.’