Why can’t we just ban f*cking idiot humans instead of dogs from beaches?

It’s fair comment that a dog might get a bit aggy or bust a growler on the promenade, two issues that are easily dealt with then you have a half responsible owner, but have you seen how some of us behave when the weather is half-decent?

‘I had to leave da rubbish everywhere becos the bins where all full up.’ Put it back in your Lidl carrier bags and f*cking take it home you lazy shites.

More to the point, I have never seen a single hound consume eight bottles of Stella, drop them on the rocks and then leave the broken glass everywhere to lacerate a poor toddler’s feet because it’s the council’s job to clear it all up.

I have lost count of the number of times when I have seen discarded condoms on the beach in Southend. We all know that kids love to do a bit of crabbing when they are beside the seaside, but come on.

Saying that dogs can become aggressive with children around is also utter bollocks as well in this argument.

Have you seen how Basildon Barry reacts when he catches someone else staring at his bird because she has her shirt potatoes out?

Have you seen how Shoeburyness Shelley kicks off when she takes little Capri-Sun, Vimtoella and Um Bongo for a day out and a ‘man who luks a bit forren’ gets his camera phone out 150 metres away?

All Fido wants to do is play a bit of fetch, have a swim, bury something and sniff a load of other canine balloon knots. Let them stay!