Downing Street has warned of ‘significant disruption’ to society after admitting that the current outbreak of Karenovirus may be impossible to contain.
According to the Department of Health, more than 100 store managers have already been forced to self-isolate – mainly in broom cupboards and out the back by the bins.
In a further shocking development, the front of a branch of Greggs in Southend was completely destroyed when an angry Karen became ‘apoplectic’ about the lack of vegan steak bakes on offer.
Witnesses said that after demanding to speak to whoever was in charge of the entire company, her rage forced her Barnet to grow by a full 12 inches, before she stormed out and its unassailable force smashed through the glass and masonry.
A government spokesperson said, ‘Please check your birth certificate in the first instance to see if your legal name is Karen.’
‘If this is the case, we are strongly advising a change by deed poll to something less white and entitled, so basically anything other than ‘Janet.’