A source within the DUP has confirmed that the party is preparing to ask Theresa May for £500bn for Northern Ireland ahead of tonight’s crucial vote on the adjusted withdrawal agreement between the United Kingdom and the European Union.
It is rumoured that the original billion was more of a ‘Hi how are you.’
He said, ‘We’ll start with the £500bn and then we can ask her to ban Jurassic Park and hold a ritual burning of every DVD and VHS copy.’
‘Once that is sorted out, we will demand an end to the homosexual connotations to the word ‘fabulous.’
‘By the time we’re done with her, we’ll make Bully’s Prize Board look like a day out in Poundland.’
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Independent Group said, ‘Yeah we’ll have some of that as well.’
‘Chuka wants a new motorbike.’