A source within the European Union has confirmed that the United Kingdom will be banned from serving continental breakfasts in the event of a No Deal Brexit. 

According to reports, secret plans are already being drafted to repatriate up to ten million croissants and 200,000 gallons of Nesquik from the UK in the event that no agreement can be reached.

One Brussels insider said, ‘We simply cannot allow residents of the United Kingdom to consume a lighter breakfast without clear and precise arrangements in place for Cross-Channel movements of The Laughing Cow.’

Brexiteer Nathaniel Fochweet welcomed the news.

He said, ‘We don’t want croissants in our country anyway.’

’They are yet another sign that cultural enrichment has gone too far – especially when they are turned on their side.’