A spokesperson for the European Parliament has confirmed that a new milkshake lobbing gallery will be introduced after the success of The Brexit Party in the MEP elections.
Jerome Robsonne told reporters that the precise location of the gallery will allow throwers of all ages and abilities to land an icy one on one of the party’s 28 new representatives.
He added, ‘The existing facility for members of the public to observe proceedings is entirely unsuitable.’
‘Unless you are Geoff Capes, you’re not hitting Farage without some sort of improvised bazooka.’
‘However, the main parliament buildings in Strasbourg and Brussels won’t be open for at least three weeks due to emergency reinforcement works that will need to take place due to the immense political earthquake that has just happened.’
‘UKIP lost 24 seats and The Brexit Party gained 28 – it makes the San Andreas Fault look like the line that appears when you drop a poppadom on a tiled floor.’
Meanwhile, it has been confirmed that representatives of The Brexit Party are now writing a manifesto in order to develop policy moving forward on behalf of the people who have voted them into office.
A source said, ‘We’re doing well so far.’
‘We’ve written the word ‘Brexit’ on a big flipchart and then drawn ten branches off of it – all of which lead to the word ‘Brexit’ in slightly smaller letters.’
‘This is based on research that we have already carried out showing that our voters just want ‘Brexit.’
‘From our position within the European Parliament, we will now be able to work towards changing the terms of the Withdrawal Agreement that leaders have categorically stated cannot and will not be changed under any circumstances whatsoever.’
‘Once this has been achieved, we will then rebrand ourselves as The Shag Kelly Brook Party and tell all of our potential supporters that they will get the opportunity to chuck one up the ex-Big Breakfast host.’