The sort of noise that you would expect to hear coming from a really big military testing range.

Residents of a town in South Essex with a huge army firing range next to it have been warned to expect loud noises in the coming weeks, months and years.

This advice has been given to any local residents who were under any illusions about what might actually happen at a military firing range.

Local resident Reginald Smithereen told the Southend News Network that this development has come as a bit of a shock.

He said, ‘For years I have wondered why I couldn’t take my dog for a walk in there, and now I know.

As it turns out, both myself and Rex could get our heads blown off. I am delighted that our safety is being taken so seriously.’