A far-right activist is in a critical condition this evening after violently attacking his own reflection in a London shop window during an operation to protect statues that were under a grave threat from practically nobody.

Witnesses said Dave Siyuenti spotted himself in the window of a McDonald’s and quickly became agitated.

One said, ‘He had just cracked open a Stella, when all of a sudden he turned to the window and screamed ‘the fuck you looking at you muggy cahnt?’

‘Ten seconds of frantic head bobbing later, he head butted his adversary, giving himself multiple lacerations in the process.’

‘At that point he was on the floor, and a number of other people then jumped in and attacked him for attacking himself.’

One of the other protestors told us that last weekend’s attacks on police by anteeefa were ‘a disgrace.’

He said, ‘They was a disgrace. We should protect our boys in blue,’ while hurriedly launching a nearby crowd barrier at some police officers.