Here at Southend News Network, we have designed a flowchart to help you figure out whether or not your England flag is illegal.
It all boils down to one simple question – are you trying to use the Cross of St George to be a racist wankpuffin?
One example of this could be draping it over your shoulders while screaming at some brown people.
However, if you are not using the red and white rectangle to be a hateful cockwomble, the chances are that you won’t be getting a knock on the door from the Old Bill.
We caught up with Private Andrew Jones during the D-Day Landings to see if the whole thing was about giving gammon-faced loons the right to scream blue murder about free speech 74 years down the line.
He said, ‘Well, obviously. Why else do you think we are all here with the shooting and that?’