Firefighters from all over Essex are currently attending a major incident in Leigh On Sea after a number of mums in activewear rubbed against each other in a crowded area and sparked a huge fire. 

It is thought that the current high temperatures and stretched Lycra contributed to the disaster on The Broadway.

A fire service official said, ‘Although Lycra is usually fireproof, the town has an above-average number of spin enthusiasts, fitness competitors and supplement fanatics.’

’With this material under so much distress in the thigh and hamstring area, the fire retardant qualities of the synthetic compound simply didn’t stand a chance.’

’Fortunately no serious injuries have been reported as everyone who was involved was wearing an asbestos-grade layer of fake tan at the time.’

’However, the incident took place inside Leviathan’s Quinoa Collective Café and Fairtrade Book Store, and the building is still ablaze as their organic hemp tablecloths were tinder dry.’

A witness said, ‘The café was already crowded, and all of a sudden the guy behind the counter brought out a tray of protein-packed carob and buckwheat brownies with a creatine glaze.’

’The jostling and hysteria that ensued was an accident waiting to happen, and the first spark came within seconds.’

A spokesperson for Waitrose has already said that all activewear will shortly be banned from their stores as a precaution.

He added, ‘We would advise all customers to only wear activewear while doing something active.’

’In any case, it’s not called ‘look at me I’ve just dropped the kids off and done an hour’s Zumba while maintaining a flawless complexion wear.’