The first convoy of attention from the United Nations Emergency Response Committee has arrived after a girl quit Facebook forever. 

Michelle Garridge told her Facebook friends that this morning’s post would be her last without giving any actual reasons why because she can’t say on here, and an emergency resolution was immediately passed at their Geneva headquarters to send fourteen pallets as an initial measure.

She said, ‘I know I quit yesterday forever, but it’s real this time and I mean it.’

After seeing that her post had received zero interactions after ten minutes, she added underneath, ‘Well I guess I know who my friends are now!’

Maureen Spooge replied, ‘Yes your friends are all people who are at work at the moment you silly bastard.’

Michelle responded, ‘Look Maureen this wasn’t directed at you. It was directed at other people that I can’t mention here but they know who they are.’

Natasha Gomp said, ‘So was it directed at me then?’

Michelle said, ‘No your my bestie westie woo woo it was directed at the other people who know who they are xxxxxxx #iknowwhomyfriendsare.’

We contacted Michelle to suggest that she posts a clearly defined list of names so that the people who should know who they are because she can’t say on here definitely are able to identify themselves as people who know who they are.