A spokesperson for the Bank of England has confirmed that gammon will be acceptable as legal tender until the current VISA payments crisis is over.
On Friday afternoon, VISA payment systems across Europe went down, with leading Brexiteers declaring that they ‘don’t care about visas anyway’ and demanding an emergency transactional system involving various thicknesses and cuts of gammon.
One said, ‘This is just the first step. Give it a week and we will finally be back using pounds and ounces for weights, miles for distances, and flagons for milk.’
‘I can’t wait to buy my Allsorts in hundredweights again. Well most of them anyway.’
‘This is an ideal solution. We all know who can’t touch gammon.’