A gammon-faced lorry driver is currently in a critical condition in hospital after his head dramatically exploded while he was making a video in his cab about the ISIS girl and Brexit and anything else that came into his head about ‘Muslam.’
According to close friends and family of Dave Dave-Davison, the sheer number of inaccuracies in his own diatribe raised his own blood pressure to 4000/4000, with the resulting cranial explosion being heard as far apart as South Mimms Services and Clackett Lane around the M25 motorway.
A source said, ‘He was streaming it live at the time, and to be honest we didn’t know if he was having a passionate political rant or just conducting an interview before heading down to the ring to fight The Undertaker for the WWE Heavyweight Championship.’
‘Although the guy is obviously in a bad way, on the plus side it’s been raining lardons for the last hour. Thousands will be having a hearty carbonara this evening.’
A spokesperson for Metropolitan Police has confirmed that they are investigating whether or not the whole thing is somehow Sadiq Khan’s fault.
He said, ‘Mr Khan will naturally be responsible for any debris that falls within the boundary of the M25, because he is the Mayor of London.’
‘Not the mayor of the entire fucking universe, but London.’