It has been announced that the first ever gay straight bisexual disabled Muslim Jewish Sikh Buddhist transsexual vegan character has joined Thomas The Tank Engine.
The show’s creators have chosen the name ‘Dave’ for the cheeky new engine, who will be joining the island of Sodor’s regulars for a number of new adventures starting in early 2019 when he, she, it or they will roam the island and point out to anyone who wants to listen that he, she, it or they will only use coal made from 100% soya.
A source said: ‘We shit ourselves when we realised that we weren’t covering every single sector of society on our show, and this is probably why branded bubble bath sales fell dramatically in 2016.’
‘We have specifically chosen a gay straight bisexual disabled Muslim Jewish Sikh Buddhist transsexual vegan character because we feel that this is the best possible representation of global society as a whole.’
‘In the event that we have left anyone out, we can clumsily chuck all of those sectors into another character who will probably identify themselves as a teapot because genders are so last week.’
Mum of five Suzanne Fuch-Weet said that it was an amazing decision by the show’s makers.
She added: ‘Every single day, my kids watch that show and they are in tears at the lack of diversity on display.’
‘It all came to a head last week when my five-year-old daughter saw Henry stuck in a tunnel and was so traumatised that she joined Britain First.’
In a statement, the UK Gay Straight Bisexual Disabled Muslim Jewish Sikh Buddhist Transsexual Vegan society said that the announcement would be ‘welcomed with caution.’
They said: ‘Although we applaud the show’s efforts on this occasion, it is important that any gay straight bisexual disabled Muslim Jewish Sikh Buddhist transsexual vegan character needs to be there on merit.’
‘If Dave is able to shunt troublesome trucks better than other engines, then that’s fair enough.’