A leading scientist has revealed one simple trick that will allow anyone to get a beach body in time for summer.

Dr Melanie Milfington of the University of Canvey told our Chief Reporter that it is incredibly straightforward.

She said, ‘I have tried this already myself, and so I can guarantee that it is 100% genuine.’

‘All you have to do is take your body to the beach, grab a hot dog and a Cornetto, and then get the f**k over yourself.’

‘You could formulate a weekly workout plan, ingest powdered badger placenta, and get sexually aroused by row upon row of identically filled Tupperware boxes before putting photos of them on Instagram, but to tell the honest truth 90% of your followers won’t be there for workout tips or fitspo.’

‘Just five-knuckle fodder.’