A spokesperson in Downing Street has confirmed that anyone adding ‘.com’ to the word ‘confused’ in general conversation will now face a mandatory ten-year prison sentence because it’s ‘dumb as f*ck.’

Secretary to the Prime Minister Tina Spoon told reporters that the English language has taken enough of a pounding in recent years ‘without this bollocks as well.’

She added, ‘Judges in Britain and the Crown Prosecution Service will be encouraged to apply this punishment in every possible case.’

’It was mildly funny the first 509 times Sharon, but ten years down the line it makes as much sense as saying ‘I’m hungry.net.’

’We would also like to remind people that ‘simple’ has neither an ‘s’ or a squeaking noise at the end.’

It is thought that the decision could lead to more than 78% of Britain’s middle-aged women facing jail time.