A leaked document from the government’s Department For Exiting The European Union has confirmed that a ‘no deal’ scenario will include EU-based Internet in the United Kingdom being replaced with Teletext.

Shares in Bamboozle have increased by 300% in the wake of the news, with presenter Bamber Boozler confirming on Twitter that he was ‘excited.’

A spokesperson said, ‘We have calculated that there won’t be a need for more than 899 pages of information once we have left the European Union, well 898 actually as we will need to leave 888 clear for subtitles.’

‘We have already started planning for an expanded recipe section, including information about how you can make your own insulin at home.’

‘It will be an ideal replacement. It’s fast, you can have four shortcuts on every page, and you can make the headline flash repeatedly if it is something really important like a week in Corfu for £299 all-in.’

‘Replacing every television in the United Kingdom with a Sony Trinitron that is four times as deep as it is wide may be a costly process, but it should be more than covered by the £350m per week that we will be saving.’

It has already been rumoured that the government is also stockpiling vast amounts of Teletext’s BBC-based competitor Ceefax.