A government spokesperson has confirmed that officials are stockpiling Wotsits and Orange Tango as a result of the medicinal cannabis ban being lifted. 

It has been announced that British doctors will soon be able to prescribe the drug for the first time, and a large warehouse next to the M20 motorway is now being filled with the munchie and the ‘whitey extinguisher.’

Southend resident Dave Fringe said, ‘This is amazing news.’

’I’ve already booked a GP appointment as I keep getting a weird ringing sound when I pee.’

’Apparently I’ll be able to get an eighth of Basildon Black.’