An investigation has revealed that the hard shoulder isn’t very hard at all.  

The study was carried out by Dr Nathaniel Cooze of the University of Purfleet, and he told Southend News Network’s Chief Reporter that motorists across Britain should feel confident to ‘give it some.’

He said: ‘We looked at 100 different hard shoulders all over Britain, and we were able to stop a car on almost all of them without them trying to start a fight.’

‘One hard shoulder on the A127 in Basildon started to emit some sort of sewage smell in protest, but that could have just been an ambient odour.’

‘There was one incident up on the M62 in Yorkshire where it gave us a bit of a funny look, but it didn’t really mean us any harm.’

‘In many ways the whole extra emergency lane is a bit of a pussy really.’

‘It just sort of sits there passively while people change tyres or take a piss. There must be some sort of underlying issues there which we may be able to deal with through a course of counselling and tarmac therapy.’

A spokesperson for the Department of Transport confirmed that the study had been ‘incredibly useful.’

Junior minister Harvey Binger added: ‘We are now extending the funding for this initiative to allow further investigation into soft verges after one of these beat the living shit out of a family in a Fiat Punto near Stockport.’

‘We would advise motorists to avoid these wherever possible until we find out if any more of them are off their head.’