Has your favourite thirty minutes of mindnumbing, fantasist drivel been cancelled to make way for a World Cup football match on ITV or BBC One?

You may be entitled to FUCK ALL.

We understand why one month of schedule disruption out of every 24 is probably the worst possible aspect of human civilisation of all time, but help is at hand.

Simply express your disgust every thirty seconds to whoever has the nerve to watch the big game, and he or she will offer a sympathetic ear … or file for divorce.

If you’ve been affected by the issues in this article, 24/7 support is available by contacting the Give Your Head A Fucking Wobble helpline on 0316 454788.