MPs have voted in favour of expanding Heathrow Airport and adding a third runway because the United Kingdom is definitely a place where foreign people are feeling really welcome at the moment.

The Conservative MP for North Southend Sir Jeremy Spunkton told Southend News Network that people all over the world are currently looking at the United Kingdom and thinking, ‘Yes I want to go there. That place literally oozes tolerance for anyone with an accent.’

He added, ‘We are looking forward to an upsurge in tourism from every continent, as long as they all drop a heap of cash here, don’t knock up any of our local girls and then agree to go home afterwards.’

However, there are many people in the South-East of England who are not welcoming the news.

Ken Kentish from Kent told our Chief Reporter that he was ‘dreading’ an influx of Eastern Europeans because of the new runway.

He said, ‘It is scientific fact that many Romanians and Bulgarians are drug dealers and pimps, and I don’t want them all coming over here and stealing our jobs.’

We asked Ken if he was therefore by default a drug dealer or a pimp.

He replied, ‘Don’t mince my fucking words you liberal elitist. I was being hypothetical.’