A source has confirmed exactly why the police helicopter was flying overhead earlier.
He said, ‘None of your f*cking business. That’s why.’
‘Actually I apologise. In future, before my airborne officers and their ground-based colleagues scramble at a moment’s notice to hunt for someone, I will ask them to prepare a full itinerary, flight plan, and minute by minute altitude projections to be published on our social media channels.’
‘Once this information is available online, members of the public will then have a five-day consultation period where they can raise any objections if they have toddlers who need to get to sleep or a Border Collie called Steve who is particularly sensitive to helicopter noise.’
‘In the event that our crazed lunatic hunt proposals meet the requirements of the general public who spend their whole lives complaining that they can never see a copper around, we will then make a detailed application to the Home Secretary.’
‘Once we have this seal of approval, the police helicopter will be launched, and a loudspeaker will be attached to the bottom to constantly broadcast a rolling message about ‘wot they up to.’
A source within the Emergency Services Union told us that it is easy to figure out what all the flashy flashy means in the neighbourhood.
It is thought that his advice could revolutionise Facebook groups all over the world.
He said, ‘Blue nee naw? Someone been naughty.’
’Green and yellow nee naw? Someone not well.’
’Red nee naw? Something on fire.’
’Just Eat bike? Someone order kebab.’