The banking giant HSBC has announced a number of new re-mortgage products aimed at families who want to spend four nights at Center Parcs.

According to the financial institution’s experts, when you factor in golf buggy hire, zip-line courses, a daily cheese sandwich and matching The North Face outdoor wear, a visit to one of these resorts will usually form your second-highest ever piece of expenditure.

HSBC spokesperson Garfield Sobers said, ‘Industry predictions tell us that they could start charging extra for oxygen within the next six months, and so we are delighted to be making Center Parcs accessible to millions of people with our new re-finance options.’

‘We want to let the Pontins generation know that there is a way out.’

Meanwhile, a squirrel on their Elveden Forest site has told us that he is now being charged £20 rent per day.

Barry Brush added, ‘When it was only a fiver it was just about viable. Some of these people were dropping cashews and everything.’