In this age of the ‘I can do anything’ Facebook buying and selling group entrepreneur, there are now literally billions of people in the United Kingdom who seem to think that they are a professional cake maker.
Forget real-world experience in a commercial setting, forget years of training – just a couple of videos on YouTube and a Pinterest account and BAM, professional cake making cake maker baker person!
We’ve all seen the conversations:
Me: ‘Hi I am looking for a Peppa Pig cake that looks like this photo’ (posts photo of novelty cake so intricately detailed it could be on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel).
Actual Experienced Cake Maker Who Happens To Use Facebook: ‘Hi I can do that for you. It will take about six hours in total because of the level of sugar craft required, shopping time and preparation needed. Let’s say £150?’
Facebook User Who Thinks They Are Mary Fucking Berry: ‘Hun I cn do tht to& Will be £30 is tht OK hun? Jus have an order of 190 sweat cones for my cousans babby shower first hun.’
Me: ‘Oh wow. £30 is far more reasonable than £150. That first quote must be from some con artist like the people who offer to tarmac your driveway and the under layer turns out to be a mixture of Nutella and sawdust. You’re hired.’
Actual Experienced Cake Maker Who Happens To Use Facebook: ‘OK that’s fine. Let me know if you change your mind’ (knows deep inside that further engagement in this conversation is about as useful as opening a hog roast stall in Stamford Hill).
Facebook User Who Thinks They Are Mary Fucking Berry: ‘I dunno why sum pppl fink they can get away with charging wot they like.’
It goes on and on and on, with delays to the pick up because their doorbell isn’t working or some bollocks like that, and then the big moment arrives when the ‘professional’ cake maker shares that image of their masterpiece.
It’s Peppa Pig alright, except our porcine heroine looks like she has had a stroke. Just watch all of the kiddies run away screaming because you got sucked into the big, bad world of chavonomics.
Don’t forget to have your whole house rewired by Dave as well. He changed a fuse once.