Shortly after three Conservative MPs resigned and joined the Independent Group this morning, the newly-expanded collection of politicians summoned the spirit of Tony Blair by standing in front of a bathroom mirror and chanting ‘education, education, education.’
To try and move things along, a ring of Bunsen burners were set up to resemble a missile-ravaged oilfield in Kuwait.
The disgraced former PM then appeared in front of them to much rapturous applause with another individual believed to be either his wife Cherie or the ex-Libertines singer Pete Doherty.
A press conference was then called at a Central London location, with Mr Blair entering the room in complete darkness while wearing a full hood in the style of The Undertaker from the WWF.
There was much gasping in the audience when Blair revealed himself.
He said, ‘We want to confirm that the Independent Group is very much independent. Sort of like New New Labour if the Tories and Labour had a drunken fumble under the pier without protection.’
The rest of Mr Blair’s speech was incomprehensible as he launched into a 40-minute rant in what was believed to be a cross between Aramaic and Biblical Hebrew.