An investigation by Southend News Network has revealed that the pets at Pets At Home are clearly at work actually, and are therefore in breach of a number of HMRC and Health and Safety regulations.

Our undercover reporters visited a number of branches of the popular retailer all over the country, and noticed that 100% of the animals on site are clearly not at home, as indicated by the fact that they were within the confines of the main retail area.

A source said, ‘If they are claiming housing benefit for any of the guinea pigs, chinchillas or degus, they could be finding themselves getting a visit from the local council any day now.’

‘How on Earth are they getting away with saying that the pets are ‘at home’ when they are clearly living on company property?’

‘Some of their stores have something called ‘The Groom Room’ as well. You have to be so careful these days.’

A similar case was brought against the now-defunct retailer Toys ‘R’ Us back in 1998, when a court ruled that the toys within the store were entitled to personal autonomy and were not the sole embodiment of the company’s shareholders.

The case against the company was brought by a Tickle Me Elmo from Milton Keynes who was awarded a £40m payout before retiring to a small cottage in the Lake District.