An investigation by Southend News Network has revealed that the traditional remembrance poppy that is worn by millions every November is 100% Halal-friendly.

We sent five sample poppies to a laboratory in The Netherlands for testing, and the results were conclusive.

Dr Deek Van Der Beek told us that all of the materials used comply with Halal standards ‘to the fullest possible extent.’

He added, ‘We carried out full forensic analysis and carbon dating on both the plastic and paper elements within the poppy, and discovered that there were no traces of products that had been slaughtered in a non-Halal manner.’

‘This discovery means that it is possible for literally everyone on the planet to wear it without anyone else being a complete bell jockey about it.’

Although the news has been welcomed by many groups, there are some who have promised ‘swift action.’

Dave Fringe of the pressure group Essex First told Southend News Network that he will be making his own poppy this year.

He said, ‘I will be sporting the first-ever poppy to be made entirely of bacon and bacon derivatives.’

‘That one can go on my car, and then I will be buying a number of other poppies from random third-party sellers on eBay to ensure that I help the Royal British Legion as much as possible.’