Is anyone else fed up with their Sunday motoring excursions being ruined by 40-something chartered accountants wearing lycra shorts that are so tight you can actually make out the outline of each testicle and the lion’s share of their perineum?
Surely it is time for all of them to be given their own island somewhere to allow them to ride three abreast to their hearts content.
Whatever you do, DO NOT throw the ‘road tax’ argument at these people.
After they make the inevitable argument about it actually being ‘vehicle excise duty’ or whatever, they will then follow that up by saying that their teeny weeny bicycles don’t have any sort of impact upon the road surface anyway, so why should they pay towards the maintenance of the roads?
The bicycles themselves don’t have an impact, but the seven-car pile up might when they frantically signal at you to overtake them on a stretch of road with a double white line down the middle.
You are not in the Tour De France. Your name is Keith and your in-jersey sports nutrition supplement pouch holder makes it look like you are in dire need of hernia surgery.
The pièce de résistance? The obligatory Go Pro camera mounted on the helmet just in case any motorist paying a small fortune for the privilege of being stuck behind one of these goons actually has the nerve to call them out on it.
The smallest incident and you hear them reciting the offending number plate over and over again like some sort of spiritual chant from the United Presbyterian Church Of The Ankle Clip.
I am just waiting for the day when someone invents a bicycle with the wheels side-by-side with one wheel raised slightly higher than the other – this will allow the rider to use both the pavement and the road at the same time.