I think it’s time that the government got a firm grip on the fruit picking crisis and carried out police raids on every Wetherspoons in the country.

Instead of throwing everyone in the nick, they should all just be taken to their nearest fruit growing business and told to spend a few hours picking produce that is in danger of going rotten.

After all, the industry is experiencing a huge shortage of labour because people from other EU countries are ‘a bit funny’ about coming to Britain at the moment.

I wonder why that is? Could it have anything to do with the fact that in spite of our government constantly saying, ‘there, there, everything will be just fine’ to EU citizens in Britain, the wingnut gammon element of society is making the country just the teeniest bit intolerant of anyone with a funny accent or a special character in their name.

The pub chain’s commander in chief is after all one of the champions of Brexit.

OK fair enough I have to speed up the audio every time he speaks because at his natural pace I can almost feel an aneurysm developing, but from what I have managed to figure out he seems to think that just buggering off from the EU will be absolutely fine.

Therefore, I’m sure he won’t mind at all if his clientele are repurposed temporarily on a branch by branch basis and moved to the vast orchards of Oxfordshire. As a recently-reformed banana republic, those bendiest of British bendy fruits will also need picking.

They could even pick up any stray items with a Dyson. None of that foreign rubbish.