It has been confirmed that TV presenter Kirstie Allsopp has burned her house to the ground after she discovered that her partner had left the toilet seat up.
According to a source close to the TV star, she felt that the punishment was ‘justified’ due to the extra two seconds that were added to a single urination session.
She added, ‘To be fair, she gave him a fair amount of warning.’
‘I personally believe that she should have taken it further by lighting a pyre in the garden, tying him to it and then dancing around while screaming like a maniac.’
Relationship expert Dr Patricia Feltch said, ‘This is a modern example of how couples should resolve any disputes that arise.’
‘Would the message really have sunk in if she had gone for something more lenient, such as carefully placing his manhood on the bowl before slamming the seat back down again?’