Leave voters across the United Kingdom have been celebrating today after the final shipment of EU-regulation straight bananas arrived in the country.
Shortly before 10am on Sunday morning, a crowd of 2000 people gathered at Tilbury Docks in Essex, right in the middle of the Brexit heartland of Thurrock.
As the ship approached the berth, a spontaneous rendition of Rule Britannia broke out amongst the crowd, before everyone came together to sing Jerusalem – this was followed by tearful hugging.
Bert Cock travelled down from Barnsley especially for the ship’s arrival, and he told Southend News Network that he was ‘beside himself with joy.’
He added, ‘Ever since June 2016, my whole life has been building up to this moment.’
’We can now enjoy bananas the way that nature intended – this is a real victory for British sother … sovrin … self-ruleyness.’
‘From this point forward, I will enjoy my bananas’ bendyness and it will bring a tear to my eye.’
’I love them with Nutella, a few Kräkerbröt and a glass of Erdinger Weissbier.’
The foreign secretary Boris Johnson was on hand to greet the dock workers who handled the shipment, and he told Southend News Network that this was ‘tangible proof’ that Brexit would allow Britain to take back control of its own affairs.
He said: ‘No more EU meddling in our fruit bowls!’ before slicing the skin lengthways and ripping out fluffy chunks of banana flesh with his bare hands while simultaneously checking Michael Gove’s head for small insects.
A spokesperson for Wetherspoons has confirmed that all pubs will add crushed banana to every beverage for the next seven days to commemorate the final shipment.
The chain’s owner Tim Martin confirmed in a statement that he would do ‘anything’ for love, but also that he wouldn’t do ‘that.’