The epidemic of girls posting selfies with ‘cute animal ears’ and other facial features has now reached crisis point in the United Kingdom.

I have genuinely forgotten what some of my female Facebook friends look like in real life, walking past them in the street every day because they are not out in public looking like a cross between some weird Japanese anime shit and an average episode of Paw Patrol.

The best ones are the ladies who use these as some sort of bizarre method to try and find a romantic partner.

That’s a real ice breaker isn’t it?

‘Do you want to go and see the latest Fifty Shades? How about a nice Italian and a bottle of red? Do you need me to take you to the park for a shit?’

What the hell are your grandchildren and great-grandchildren going to think in the future when they check out the family album and see this utter fuckery?

‘Mummy! Was my nana a cross-breed between a Yorkshire terrier and a shitzu?’

More to the point, anyone who is sexually attracted to someone looking like a domestic animal clearly has bestial tendencies.

‘Smear me in Pedigree Chum and I’ll call you Daddy.’ Jeezus.

Of course there are plenty of people descending into canine photo filter hysteria who are not on the pull, but then again these are the same people who post twenty-five fucking hashtags after every single Facebook post as they are under the impression that it doesn’t make them look like an utter bellend.

#nobodyfuckingcares, hun.