A man on a local Facebook crimewatch group has somehow convinced himself that he is a combination of Magnum PI, Inspector Morse, Cagney, Lacey, Columbo and that other one in the wheelchair. 

Darren Schnozz has been a member of Southend Crimewatch and Ambulance Spotters for three days now, and he feels that he is only a few weeks away from getting into his local police force.

He said, ‘I saw three police cars and a helicopter and I thought to myself, ‘Hello. There’s some sort of crime in progress here.’

’I posted about what I had seen in the group, and within three minutes a further twenty people had all confirmed what I had seen and concluded that there was probably some sort of illegal activity going on.’

’As the day went on, I also reported seeing a fire engine, and this led me to believe that something might have been on fire.’

’The ambulance? Well I thought it was an ambulance but having said that it might have been a white van.’

’A white van with a driver who looks a bit foreign. I shared that one to 134 different groups just in case he was a nonce or a bogus tree surgeon.’

‘You can’t be too careful.’