In a late press conference in Strasbourg on Monday evening, a joint statement from Theresa May and Jean-Claude Juncker confirmed that a number of legally-binding adjustments have been made to the proposed Brexit deal to create a vastly different identical Brexit deal that MP’s in the House of Commons definitely would not have already seen and voted on.

Speaking to the press, Mrs May said, ‘You may think that this looks very similar to the last one, but I encourage you to look closer at the document itself.’

‘For starters, we have added a ‘hyphen’ in the middle of ‘backstop’ to create what will be known as the ‘back-stop.’

‘As you will see, we have also made some words bold or italic, and at the bottom of page 254 that helpful little paperclip puts in an appearance and says, ‘It looks like you are trying to significantly mislead the British public. Would you like shove your head down the nearest animal’s gob at the Lion enclosure in London Zoo?’

Mrs May was asked if she was concerned about the DUP voting down the vastly different identical deal in Tuesday’s vote.

She said, ‘Not at all. Every DUP MP has been given a special copy of the vastly different identical deal with an extra page about banning dinosaurs we have removed the bit about protecting LGBT rights just to be 100% sure.’

President or chairman of the European something or other Juncker added, ‘No more crawling back here again please. Next time you call we are pretending to be a Chinese takeaway.’