The Met Office has issued an Amber Alert after a cloud of Lynx Africa was spotted over the United Kingdom.

A number of members of the public called 999 shortly after 5pm to report that their location smelt like chucking out time at their nearest Spoons.

A spokesperson said, ‘The cloud could remain in place, so we are advising the public to take precautions.’

‘In areas of a particularly high concentration, females may feel the urge to mount the nearest male who they can get their hands on, and so we would encourage women who start to feel a bit Randy to retreat indoors to a safe room with no external windows.’

Experts predict that the cloud will clear within 48 hours – a similar timeframe to the great Slazenger Sport cloud of 1993.