It has emerged that millions of British grandparents are considering murdering their spouse so they can finally see their grandkids again.
A source within the government revealed that the Home Office is bracing itself for an explosion in murder cases after Boris Johnson announced that single-person households would be allowed to form a ‘social bubble’ with another household from Saturday.
61-year-old Derek Genocide currently lives with his wife of forty years Helen, and he admitted to us that this could be ‘just the motivation he’s been looking for.’
He added, ‘She’s been getting on my tits throughout lockdown and I’m missing the grandkids something chronic.’
‘It won’t take much anyway. We’ve just had the parquet floor polished in the hallway so a nice new rug and the job’s a good’un.’
We caught up with Helen afterwards who admitted that she’s having similar thoughts.
She added, ‘By the time I’m done with him it will make Andy Capp and his missus look like Jack and Vera Duckworth.’