After the retailer Marks & Spencer announced that they will be closing 100 stores in an attempt to restructure for a changing marketplace, a spokesperson confirmed that they are set to launch a range of sex toys aimed at the over 60’s. 

It is hoped that their new Enchanted Yawn selection will help to win back senior shoppers who have recently abandoned the department store for John Lewis.

Chief of Retail Development Nigel Clenge told Southend News Network that he had high hopes for the flagship product, the St Michael’s Tickler that also doubles as a haemorrhoid cushion.’

He added, ‘Our recent focus groups in this area have confirmed that today’s grey and pink pound is reserved for apparatus that is both sexually arousing and sensible.’

’Our Werther’s Original Lube is 55% more viscous than it’s Ann Summers equivalent.’