A spokesperson for Craggy Island Catholic High School For Girls has confirmed that their resident netball teacher Father Jack Hackett is ‘devastated’ after the school was closed over Coronavirus fears.

Speaking to us earlier today, he was almost incoherent at first, but over time it became clear that he was very upset because he kept saying the same small set of words over and over again.

A friend accompanying him said, ‘Those netball lessons were the highlight of his week. He would literally salivate at the prospect.’

‘The weather for the next few weeks was supposed to be a lot warmer as well, which would have meant that Fr Hackett would have been forced to invoke the ‘underwear only’ rule.

Meanwhile, there have been concerns raised over how an emergency healthcare fund for the island has been distributed by the Parish.

According to reports, it may have spent time ‘resting in an account.’