The United Kingdom has been dealt a fresh Brexit blow today as it has been announced that London will move to Brussels in March 2019.
Speaking to the media this morning, London’s mayor Sadiq Khan said that the move would allow London to remain within the European Union, leaving the rest of the country to fill the area inside the M25 with a giant Wetherspoons resort and the odd Dyson factory here and there.
He added: ‘51.9% of the turnout voted Leave without giving a moment’s thought to what would become of London, with all of our big skyscrapers and Prêt baristas.’
‘Therefore, we have been left with no other option but to uproot the entire area and put it a couple of miles … or should I say kilometres outside of Brussels.’
‘I have been in touch with the Electoral Commission and retrieved addresses for everyone who voted Leave so I can give them all enough time to make alternative arrangements as we don’t want their sort coming along with us.’
The European Union’s Guy Hauptbahnhof said that they would ‘gladly’ accept London as part of the ongoing Brexit negotiations.
He said: ‘Everybody wins this way. Londoners get their EU citizenship status, and Tim Martin and James Dyson get a barren crater to ride through on a monster truck Mad Max-style, flanked by a giant fleet of Union Jack-waving black taxis.’
A spokesperson for UKIP said that they would be making a planning application for the remaining crater to be filled with water and used for a fishing zone that would be impenetrable by foreign trawlers.