The opening of the new Tottenham Hotspur stadium has been delayed until October as builders still haven’t completed the on-site DVD superstore. 

According to the site manager, the 750,000 square foot megastructure with twelve floors stacked top to bottom with DVDs of every single Spurs match in the history of everything ever will still need another 6-8 weeks.

The team will continue playing at Wembley in the meantime, even though they have accused neighbours Arsenal of being a load of travellers on numerous occasions.

Season ticket holder Stavros Minicabidis said, ‘96% of all club revenue comes from DVD sales, so it’s understandable.’

’I can’t wait until the big day – I’ve already bought a place in their Fuckall Suite.’

’The premium dining and hospitality experience celebrates the number of Premier League titles that the club has won since 1993, and it also has scale models of our new ground and The Emirates so we can count the number of extra seats that our new stadium has and get all tingly-wingly in our Y-Fronts.’