A spokesperson for the NHS has confirmed that checking in at A&E on Facebook will now be the first stage of triage.

According to health ministers, the amount of engagements and comments will determine the next steps that are required for treatment.

He said, ‘If the senior triage nurse notices that multiple people are commenting with ‘OMG hope your OK babs’ and ‘that looks well bad like when my Tyrees-Superdrug was sent home from school,’ they will be able to fast-track the patient and get them the help that they so desperately require.’

‘On the other hand, if they check in without giving any details of their condition whatsoever, it’s obvious that they are just taking the piss and can quite frankly crawl away somewhere quiet and die, and then stop wasting vital NHS resources.’

‘Our researchers have told us that if you are capable of using a smartphone, you should probably just go and see your GP or whatever.’

However, a trial of the scheme in Essex has already run into criticism after a welder sustained second-degree burns to both hands and simply posted, ‘fhjkvfdslhka’ to his Facebook wall.