A spokesperson for Microsoft has confirmed that millions of nudges, Slipnkot lyrics and Yahtzee rolls have been compromised in an MSN Messenger data breach.

As a result of the breach, millions of attention-seeking millennial emo users of the now defunct software have seen their statuses such as ‘A billion crows scratch out my eyes while lucifer’s pet goose rips off my head and shits down the hole while cackling in a variety of tones’ become available to a business outside of the platform.

A source said that the discovery was made after a police raid uncovered a 128Gb USB stick at an undisclosed California location.

He added, ‘An FBI agent put the USB stick into a laptop, and the first thing that happened was that the ‘dum dum dum’ chime played more than 500,000 times in a row.’

‘After this, more than 200,000,000 messages were found, but the majority of them just said ‘A/S/L?’

‘There are another million or so messages to check – but it’s proven difficult as the senders have chosen to appear ‘Offline’ to avoid attention from that crazy bird who won’t leave them the fuck alone but at the same time they don’t want to just block them as this would push them over the edge.’

‘We have also found millions of rolls on Yahtzee, and we’ve not even reached the folder of people kissing the screen.’

‘It even seems that there was a time when people thought that the rest of the world actually gave a toss about the track that they were listening to.’

In a further development, members of the public have been warned to keep an eye out for Tom from Myspace after he was stolen from a vault in Nevada.