An 82-year-old man has been BANNED FROM FACEBOOK after he posted 23 comments in a week and finished each one with his full name – a spokesperson for the social media giant confirmed that they had done it for his own safety. According to the daughter of Nigel Tipperton, he has been given the option to return after 14 days if he promises to stop typing his full name at the end of every comment and status update. 

Chip Le Fridge from Facebook said: ‘We regret that we have been forced to ban Mr Tipperton from Facebook with immediate effect, but in our experience people who type their name at the end of every Facebook comment will eventually progress to giving their bank details and credit card number to a fake Facebook user with an image of a large-breasted woman as their profile picture. We have decided to take action now in the interests of his own safety, and we hope to see him back on Facebook soon with a more careful and informal approach to communication.’

He added: ‘As a responsible social media network, we will also be monitoring accounts randomly for other warning signs that users don’t seem to be ‘getting’ the whole Facebook thing. For example, we have banned 634 people in the UK since the start of the year after noticing that they type for more than seven minutes on Messenger before sending things like ‘Hi’ and ‘Good Evening’ – we are confident that we have stopped them going down a very dangerous path. As soon as they start treating Facebook as irresponsibly as most 18-45 year olds, they will be welcome to return.’